And Still I Linger On

Sounds like something that might be usable as a few song lyrics. "And still I linger on" ...... Already out there I bet anyway ...

Well, I am still somehow lingering on somehow. The internet connection is still working, although the bill hasn't been paid yet. It really sucks to wake up most days and not seem to have any purpose in this life. I feel I've learned enough about this life to know that it sucks by status-quo standards. Most of us, "the 99%" are really a bunch of duped slaves to a phoney monetary system dreamed up by the devil himself. I did manage to have a good time last weekend even if it was just a few hours. I wish I could do it every day somehow. Playing music is about all I seem to even bother living for anymore. Its an escape from reality for a little while. Its like magic or something when people are into what you're playing and maybe singing along or even dancing or just moving around a little with a smile on their faces. Most of them, probably 99% worked all week at a job that doesn't pay near enough. Enough to pay the bills (hopefully) and just a little left over to go out to eat and have a nice time. Seems like there is always some people at every gig that have a special song they want you to play. Sometimes you feel like "what am I a jukebox?" lol. BUT we always try to do it if even one or two of us kinda know it. That is one unique thing I think we have about our band. We all range from 14 to 50 years old and that covers a lot of years and genres of music when you add it all up. Although, having a 14 year old drummer in the band limits us as to where we can play. We are kicking around the idea of getting a stunt drummer to stand in for the gigs that you have to be 18-21. The smoking laws kill us worse than the actual being a place that serves alcohol law does for us. Any indoor smoking going on = No persons under the age of 18 - no exceptions. As long as we play outdoors we have no worries though.

We done a stripped down quasi acoustic show. Really all we were missing were drums but since our drummer had a baseball tournament and his dad is our lead guitar player they had to miss the gig. We got a stunt lead player to stand in with us and he was really great to get to play with. We hit it off really good about playing together. A chemistry thing so to speak I guess. That was our second gig in a row like that. And at the same venue too. Its a pizza and beer type of place with a nice atmosphere about it. Its pretty much right there at a pretty popular lake and people from all over north east Texas invade the place every summer. Its been know to have some famous residents in the area. NBA star Dennis Rodman had a houseboat there for a while at least. And Bill Dance or Jimmy Houston from the pro fishing television shows lives or lived around there too. Its a beautiful clean, clear, and deep lake too. Broken Bow Lake is the name of it. Its about 12 miles or so north of Broken Bow Oklahoma in southeast Oklahoma. Its about 50 to 60 miles north of the Texas state line. And about 30 miles west of the Arkansas Oklahoma line.

For southeast Oklahoma of all places The Grateful Head Pizza and Tap Room has some of the best damn pizza ever. I have eaten pizza all over the country and even lived around what I consider the pizza capitol of the world, Chicago Illinois and it rates right up there with the best of them. I usually get to eat mine cold on the way home from the gig and its still kick ass pizza!

We were playing to a standing room only crowd just like the last gig, just playing away minding our own business. And these people walk past us, literally between our monitors and the stage (its really cramped around the tiny stage area) and I see this face I recognized. I thought to myself "no way" but I looked some more and decided it really was him. Not that he's a huge star or anything but he plays on one of those reality shows about cars. Its called "Fast and Loud" or aka "Gas Monkey Garage". The guy's name is Dennis Collins and he's the star Richard Rawlings rich friend who buys cars and advises on foreign cars etc,. While we were taking a quick break I walked out to the parking lot to the truck to get something and I saw a real nice jacked up Jeep. On the spare tire cover it read "Collins Brothers Jeep" so I figure he's partners with his brother in a Jeep Dealership along with being partners with The Gas Monkey himself. Richard Rawlings. I didn't really get a chance to talk to him or shake his hand or anything but him and his friends really seemed to enjoy our music. They actually sat on a concrete slab that holds a picnic table while waiting on a table to open up and it was right next to the stage where they usually reserve for the bands family. I know that place sure sold a lot of pizza and beer last Saturday night. I think we made a ten dollar tip this time. We made about 40 in tips the time before and we don't even set out a tip jar. I kinda got a screwing on the tip situation I think. There was something mentioned about putting it back for equipment but I don't know if that will ever happen or just be forgotten.

The load in and load out is a real pain in the ass. Not to mention hooking everything up right the first time and getting the PA really close to right without a sound check. We literally sound check off of our first song or two. But I have gotten pretty good at getting things all hooked up right and fairly quick if nobody is in my way. That's usually not the case unfortunately and you find yourself doing a sort of awkward dance of some kind getting the cords routed etc,

Well for now I'll just close out by saying I'm still hanging in there. But just barely. I'm an emotional wreck to be honest. I'm on anti-depressants and I'm still depressed beyond description. Apparently that good ole social security system that loves to rob our paychecks don't have any intentions of ever giving it back to you if there's even a sliver of a chance that they can get out of it. The lady who worked as a guard at the Federal Courthouse once told me she had actually seen people missing 2 limbs get turned down for disability. They act in my case like "you just broke your back you can still do something". There are admittedly things I can do, but for the life of me I don't know how I could do an 8 hour shift somewhere and make a living. I have hardware in my spine and my spine is fused to boot. I'm missing two vertebrates. My back doesn't bend well at all. And because of the way it is, it shouldn't bend. For some strange reason also, I have noticed that since my accident and surgery I don't have very good balance. I was told by doctors to stay off of ladders by all means. I'm not supposed to be exposed to vibrations either for fear it could loosen my screws? And its just painful 24/7 in general.

I don't know what I'm going to do. Maybe I'll figure something out to do despite my disabilities and make it somehow, but right now it looks really bleak. It would take 5 nights a week of gigging to make a living and even then after expenses it would be barely squeaking by. And quite frankly I couldn't do it physically. Playing a gig usually takes me 1-3 days just to fully get over. Depends on how much I have to do physically during load in and load out. We have some members who don't like to pull their weight at times and that just makes it worse on me. They don't have to do this for the money though.

Anyway .... Peace, Love, and Music as always
And if I don't make it here I'll see some of you on the other side.